I love forests, & I love trees
the oasis in the sun and the distant sea
feeling so at ease, saying what I think
I'm so consumed by everything
I love your kindness, I love your mind
warm and secure, losing track of the time
spray me with the hose, chase me down the street!
running through the aching trees
the smell of barbecues and kedgeree
looking back at times like these -
no one else could ever see what you made me see
so clear, pristine, in the sky of my mind
so naive, so kind, so thank you sweet
for letting me see the desert in me

far away

I will leave this place, as far away as possible
it's not abandonment, so please don't try & stop me - it won't work
I need space in time as minimal as possible

a new domain, a clean slate
a new space to erase
my fallen past - it's not much to ask
I want my name all cleared
I've had it planned for several years

they say write out your plans for life
and it'll make Him laugh until He cries
but I don't sympathise!
He gave us minds as thought-invites
RSVP, and reads replies

& if He should be listening now, I'd like a teaspoon of free time
I want to leave behind the heathens who constrict my mind
the cross that bears my name will crumble in impending flame

I will leave it all and never once come back again

a 2-min job. I'm not so keen on this one, so it's another work in progress

anything
tell me anything, implorable thing
i want to hear it all.
big or small, I'd stay up all night to hear it, absorb it
every part of your existence.
i want to be the one you can tell anything,
no matter how personal
the trivial, the beautiful
and bizarre
the delicate and deformed
i want to hear it all...

- tor

to a T / I love...

a semi-work in progress.
the best people, the ones who mean something to me are so hard to describe & do justice, write about to a t, let alone actually tell them without feeling like a cheese/turning 5 shades of crimson
this is my go, as far as I've got.

my friend, you are
the most interesting,
tone deaf, exciting
like a made-up person
spontaneous
crazy loving and hilarious
so predictable but then you go and surprise
even yourself. put me in my place
when I'm wrong (usually).
bad judgement
and I love that.
I love

seeing from another perspective. being taken aback
when you show me another side for the first time.
your attention, your interest.
I love being your friend.

I love
spending my time with you,
or as much as I get.
spending time, and wasting it
because you are the most worthwhile.

I love
every moment
the good, the bad, the very
very
confusing.
the just plain strange.
I love valuing
and being valued
I love being crazy then serious
and telling you everything
about everything, and me.

I love
making plans that won't happen.
seeing bits of your life, putting them together.
being together.
your support when it matters.
your company,
just being with me
when I need it
or at least knowing when I do.
I love you being there and accepting everything I am
when you don't have to.

I love you,
my best friend.
the end.


-- tor.

a letter to xx.

it's strange, what snow can do. precipitation, it can bring this world to a halt, tear it in half, bring despair or childlike glee, screaming, throwing, games and fights. love in the ice. with a few flakes you feel warmth or your heart freezing over. blizzards bring nostalgia or heartbreak.
those few flakes can be the start or end of everything. memories, new beginnings.

it snowed today. I thought of you, of us, of everyone at rc. minds and bodies closed in on themselves, as pale and fragile as snow. snow that would melt away. it was strange.
as I stepped into the snow I felt myself pushing the fear beneath my feet. I remembered the tears, trials and tribulations. the day we, the afflicted, realised that perhaps we were just human after all. nothing less.

i'm still searching for that sense of self worth. this year has put me into perspective. through actions, and words. fencing myself off from the world, an incommunicable onlooker.
the ice is melting.

the difference a friend can make. knowing that you are never alone. knowing love for the first time. I no longer want to die at 22. my time in rc has inspired me to change others' lives for the better.

but that's enough about me. I'm writing to you, about you. we've not spoken in a while, and frankly it scares me. seeing someone as deserving as you in pain makes my heart break.

you are so beautiful, you deserve so much more love than you've been shown. appreciation. someone who will support you, give you the attention you need and more.

I'm so proud of you. you're such an inspiration, eternal calm in chaos. a catatonic a-bomb, yoga in the rush hour. the solitary snowflake, frail but perfect, so influential but so easily overlooked.
you are the kind of person that shows others life is worth living. free for all, feeding the people, but asking nothing in return. the rose in the empty castle.

when will you realise? you're not the problem. you're so perfect, kind, hard working, determined, distressable, gifted, motivational.

but you knew that, didn't you? it was always at the back of your mind.

you are so intelligent and so wise. your eyes have seen so much more than anybody twice your age. you have seen suffering, disaster, pain and torment. you give everyone else strength while you constantly tear yourself down. why should it be you?

you are your only obstacle. the only minotaur here is you. when will you realise that we all adore you? when will you allow yourself to be?
is it home? is it school? or is it just you?
how could you concievably think that you are unworthy?

we're not worthy! we're not worthy!

don't let anyone get you down. don't let them get in your way. and don't hurt yourself.
whatever it is, I will be there. you will never be alone.

and everyone is worthy. life or alice cooper.
don't be so hard on yourself.

stay strong,
tor. xx

Taking a walk on the WILD SIDE!

This is from the headline + photograph task, if you want real writing please scrolllll away!


ONE FINE SUNDAY during the safari season of January 2018, I decided to TAKE A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE! and visit my local church to see the famous Jesus Christ of that tropical area of the world Bethlehem (possibly in Wales), as preached by Rvd Penelope Artimis of Jerusalem.

Imagine my shock (and possibly delight and/or mortification) when I discovered a church of the heat and atmosphere of a large sauna, palm trees in the aisles, a zebra playing the organ to an almagamation of ABC and the Star Wars Theme YES!
No wonder 70% of Britons consider themselves Christian. They come for the religion and stay for the piña coladas.

---
Brought to you by Tor, stay tuned for the next episode of JUST A MINUTE Ashby Creative Writing Club! Yes!