a letter to xx.

it's strange, what snow can do. precipitation, it can bring this world to a halt, tear it in half, bring despair or childlike glee, screaming, throwing, games and fights. love in the ice. with a few flakes you feel warmth or your heart freezing over. blizzards bring nostalgia or heartbreak.
those few flakes can be the start or end of everything. memories, new beginnings.

it snowed today. I thought of you, of us, of everyone at rc. minds and bodies closed in on themselves, as pale and fragile as snow. snow that would melt away. it was strange.
as I stepped into the snow I felt myself pushing the fear beneath my feet. I remembered the tears, trials and tribulations. the day we, the afflicted, realised that perhaps we were just human after all. nothing less.

i'm still searching for that sense of self worth. this year has put me into perspective. through actions, and words. fencing myself off from the world, an incommunicable onlooker.
the ice is melting.

the difference a friend can make. knowing that you are never alone. knowing love for the first time. I no longer want to die at 22. my time in rc has inspired me to change others' lives for the better.

but that's enough about me. I'm writing to you, about you. we've not spoken in a while, and frankly it scares me. seeing someone as deserving as you in pain makes my heart break.

you are so beautiful, you deserve so much more love than you've been shown. appreciation. someone who will support you, give you the attention you need and more.

I'm so proud of you. you're such an inspiration, eternal calm in chaos. a catatonic a-bomb, yoga in the rush hour. the solitary snowflake, frail but perfect, so influential but so easily overlooked.
you are the kind of person that shows others life is worth living. free for all, feeding the people, but asking nothing in return. the rose in the empty castle.

when will you realise? you're not the problem. you're so perfect, kind, hard working, determined, distressable, gifted, motivational.

but you knew that, didn't you? it was always at the back of your mind.

you are so intelligent and so wise. your eyes have seen so much more than anybody twice your age. you have seen suffering, disaster, pain and torment. you give everyone else strength while you constantly tear yourself down. why should it be you?

you are your only obstacle. the only minotaur here is you. when will you realise that we all adore you? when will you allow yourself to be?
is it home? is it school? or is it just you?
how could you concievably think that you are unworthy?

we're not worthy! we're not worthy!

don't let anyone get you down. don't let them get in your way. and don't hurt yourself.
whatever it is, I will be there. you will never be alone.

and everyone is worthy. life or alice cooper.
don't be so hard on yourself.

stay strong,
tor. xx